I’m off cars. I mean really off cars! After 12 trips to Faro Airport over the summer, with the associated trials and tribulations of the driving on the N125, I had reached the end of my tether. I had seen enough of the “white shirted Roundabout Rozers” to last a lifetime. How they can justify bringing Lagoa to a thirty minute crawl every day is beyond me. Then, on my last homeward journey, I holed out just before the Almancil bypass.
I stopped for petrol and to check for any damage and there it was, a perfect elliptical bulge on the outside wall of the front nearside tyre. I considered my options and decided to chance my arm and limp on back to Lagos.
The Lagos tyre man was pleased to see me. His garage was empty, bereft of any other motorised vehicle. So much for economic growth. He informed me that he did not stock Yokohamas and asked if I would take Michelin. C’est la vie, but I ended up having to buy two new tyres. Well, 180 euros for the pair, not bad, slightly more than what I would have spent on the A22 tolls but after all it’s the principle that counts.
Back home again we were soon getting used to having the house to ourselves. I was also mindful that shortly all the remaining holidaymakers will disappear and we will have our beaches back. Ambling around the unpeopled cliffs of the Western Algarve and watching every other TV channel than Nickleodeon will be most welcome.
A couple of days later I noticed my right hand side rear tail light was not working properly. Ah well, no problem, this would be easy. Any old bloke should be able to change a light bulb. The Owners Instruction Manual gave me clear and concise instructions on how to access and replace 
the offending bulbs. So I followed them and was extremely pleased when I managed to remove the three dimensional right angled triangle, 10x40x70 centimetre chrome lined, plastic construction, light unit from the car chassis.
I turned the unit over. I quickly learnt that the indicator bulb light and the brake light bulb were held by screw fittings. These could be easily removed and hence provided ready access to those bulbs. The main taillight wiring did however not have any external fittings. It simply disappeared into the chassis of the car. Stumped, I reverted back to the Instruction Manual. And yes, I had missed a salient piece of information. There on the bottom of the sketch was a comment to the effect of “if you need to repair the main tail lights go to your Honda garage.”
The following day I popped into see Honda. The chief technician, he’s no longer a mechanic, greeted me with his usual, “Show me your money smile.” After some quick dialogue he removed the light unit and spent ten minutes scanning his computer he then announced “We can’t replace the main tail light bulbs. It is a sealed unit. They are 2 strips of 5 individual LEDs which we cannot access. So we have to replace the whole thing. We can get a new unit here by next Tuesday and can fit it then. It will cost around 240 euros. Pity your vehicle is just out of warranty.”
I was speechless. Somehow I managed a weak, “WHAT!!!! 240 euros for a new back light.” I calmed down. What could the poor fellow do? He was merely the messenger. It was the Master I should be raving at. I succumbed meekly to the inevitable and told him I would be back on Wednesday to fit the new part.
I drove home wondering what the GNR would say if they stopped my car to check if the vehicle had the necessary set of spare replacement bulbs that every car has to carry to meet the legal requirements. I didn’t think, “sorry officer some of my car lights are LED’s and when they fail I have to go to the garage and get them to replace the whole unit,” would wash. So better stay home at night lad.
The nonsense, the absurdity of the situation, 240 euros for one new back light, ultimately got to me. I went trawling through the Net. And yes I found my rear tail light problem was a common failure throughout the world. There were blogs galore. Apparently those light emitting diodes, LED’s, are very sensitive to the operating temperature, current and voltage. If any of these are off target then the electrons don’t recombine to create and form photons and hence no light. All good stuff but this wretched design fault was going to cost me real money. I blasted off emails to the dealer, Honda UK, Honda all over the place, and now two weeks later I still have not received one reply. Well so much for customer service, apparently they have as much consideration for an out of warranty car owner as they have for the earth’s valuable resources, i.e. “none.”
Wednesday came and went and I acquired a new functioning rear tail light system, fully installed at a cost of 248 euros, (including IVA). After all it's only money. I also took home the old light unit to help conserve the Earth’s resources. Two days later my misery returned. I noticed that two of the LED’s, this time, in the left hand side rear tail light were not functioning. Here we go again, more money down the drain, more waste creation.
Then I had a crazy idea I’ll go and see a real mechanic at my local “fix it all garage.” Perhaps he would be able to use some of the old unit parts to replace the two mal functioning LED’s on the left side. I had happily used this repair establishment for years before I went all new and Honda.
The friendly, chubby, oily manager recognised me immediately as I walked towards him. His eyes fell on the light unit I was carrying. He smiled.
“No I can’t fix it. Better send it back to Japan perhaps someone there can.”
My response was simple. “Ah, so, Domo agrigatogozimasita, どうもありがとうございました. Thank you very much.”
