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Death Of A Loved One - The Especially Difficult Times

Debs Clarke and husband, on their wedding day.Three years ago, 16th August was my wedding day, excitement, preparations and lots of love and support surrounded us, by my friends and family. The sun was shining , a glass of bubbly in my hand, with wedding dress on I got out of my Mercedes classic drop-top car and met my son at the gates of the beautiful old chapel in Rivington, to marry my life long friend of thirty two years.

The day was filled with so much happiness it was perfect. My memories of this day always will resonate in my mind forever and I smile for having had four years with Micheal, two years as his wife.

My love was taken suddenly with a massive heart attack on holiday in Portugal, in our holiday home.

How does one cope with the special times, the anniversaries, the birthdays? On these days I learnt to cope remembering in my mind those special days.

Every year in August is my wedding anniversary, so I light a candle for Michael,with his picture, I reflect with happiness and not a sadness that could easily consume me. Everyone reacts differently, but I found this the best way to cope on these days.

Do something special, look at the photos and videos, enjoy them, smile and think of the good times.

The one consolation was, before he died, he told me I made him happy everyday and he thanked me for coming into his life.

How am I coping now?  I like to say it got better, every day you're stronger, there is light at the end of your tunnel, but it just takes time to heal.

The first anniversary of your loved one's death will no doubt be one of the biggest hurdles you will have to face. It’s likely to bring memories of their death back into sharp relief. You will almost certainly feel a deep sadness. And you may want to mark the date in some significant way. But you can also see the first anniversary as an enormous milestone on your road to recovery – you have survived the first year without your loved one, and now things will slowly, imperceptibly start to get better. Your second Christmas without that person will not feel quite so bad as the first, because you have already done one before. And the hurdles you face along the way will seem smaller every time you face them.

You will start to get used to this “new kind of normal” – you will start to build a new life without your partner or loved one. It is a slow and painful journey – and at times it may not feel like the life you chose to lead – but there is life after death.

I founded and I manage a great organisation called Share and Care Portugal to help other people through loss.

If you would just like to talk to someone, just email shareandcareportugal@gmail.com or call us on 926 865 115.

Facebook: Share & Care Portugal

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